Yeah ... i'm broken ....

i'm struggling and trying to adjust my life back on track, distracted lately - work - family - "fren" - and work again .... 

then realize if my work is wonderful and others will follow suit, but if work messed up everything crumbling apart ... 

shed too many tears lately too ... hate it but okey with it ... at least my heart less hurt ... yup me confess ... for the first time ever me confess but as expected things not going smoothly as if ...

what do u expect ... accept u on a silver platter, me smile anyway to cover this broken heart and a tear that almost fall ... 

Ugly pig fat face! ...

jus cant get enuf of cursing and cursing, but it not gud for health ... keeping all those hatred, me cant go on living like that, jus dun know how others does it ... 

others unhappines is ur happines? ... that phrase refer to me? ... do u think? .. or otherwise coz it came out from ur smelly mouth, before making a conclusion u must remember when one finger pointing at me the other four point at ur ugly pig fat face .. get it!!!! .. 

Malaysia economy since when its become so so so baaaadddddd .... !!! ..

Go for job interview last saturday, big company, big office and big bos (well Datuk ok..) .. interview goes well, like we bonded but when its come to mentioning of salary i got flabbergasted ... RM1,200??!! .. I had more than 15years of experienced leay ... and u want to give me a salary for fresh grad??!! ... oh dear ... when I first grad from Rima College at 1997, my salary was that much and that was 16years ago ... and I am still worth RM1,200 ??!! r u kidding me??!!!! ....

Ur reasoning for that amount was because although I had an experience but in this company I will be a new worker so I have to start from below ... after 3 months and my performance are exceptionally good they will increase my salary to RM1,500 ... still not good enuf ... r they expect me to survive with only RM1,200 for 3 months??!! .. although they already know I am a sole bread winner for my family, ... sad .. sad .. sad ... and sad ...

then came to my thinking .. what happen to Malaysia economy??!! is it so bad that big company like this have to stoop this far by decreasing their basic salary??!! .. and that a basic salary for Personal Assistant leay??!! .... not a Clerk but Personal Assistant!!! .. r u kidding me??!!  ... and the interviewer have the cheek telling me that although the job title is Personal Assistant but actually more to Clerk work ... wwwhhhhaaaattttt ??!! then why don't they advertise for Clerk then instead of Personal Assistant??!! ... that I do not understand and couldn't care less .... 

then I go for another job interview for Penolong Pengurus for Unit Manager ... waaahhh ... bbuuttt ... actually that a sales job (a trust fund consultant) ... whhaaatttt!!!! .... I am sorry, meeting people or encouraged people to invest or buy things are not my forte, although I am good at talking but I don't want to do that kind of job ... although they promised that if I can achieved the target given I will earn more than RM5k monthly ... tempting but I satisfied for what I've had now ... 

in this world there's 2 kind of person .. one kind are the one who had a big dreams and they spent the whole life chasing for that dreams and some find success which others fail, ... the other kind are like me .. just looking for an honest job and work like a cow my whole life ... yup working for other people .... makan gaji ler ... but I am content ... at least I don't have to worry by end of every months there's always wages for me ... not 'garu-garu' my head, that I didn't achieve sale target this month so no 'gaji' ....  

if this opportunity came to me 10 years ago ... maybe I will not think twice about it, because I am single and do not have excess baggage to taken care off ... but now its too late ... tempted but thanks ...

at the end I concur that Malaysia economy are in 'dying' state ... when it will revamp I do wonder ... why the 'upper people' did not see how suffering their people are ... all they know are 'spent ..spent...spent' ...... and 'shop ... shop ...shop' ....

Dipenghujung Ramadhan ~ Diambang Syawal ....

Diam tak diam, cepat benar masa berlalu, kita di ambang Syawal waktu ini, tinggal esok jek ... Ramadhan tahun ini benar2 bermakna buat aku, 

Mampu membuka luas ruang sempit kat hati aku ini untuk kembali ke pangkuan rakan2 aku yang amat2 mulia ini,  walau sebenarnya semua yang berlaku ini adalah kesilapan aku yang terlalu berkira dan terlalu mudah berkecil hati ...

Dan mereka2 ini menerima aku semula tanpa prejudis ... their tight hug are still warm in my heart and i can still feel it even now ... walau sejuta maaf aku titip, rasa bersalah tetap bergalang di jiwa ...

mengapa lah, se walang ini aku sahabat, terlalu menurut hati aku, buang korang, aku anggap hanya hati aku sahaja yang perlu di jaga, namun luka di hati kalian pernah kah aku ambil peduli?, derita di hati kalian adakah aku kisah kan? ....

terima kasih yang tak terperi ... dari aku yang hina ini, sempena di bulan yang mulia ini aku menyusun sepuluh jari memohon keampunan dari hujung rambut hingga hujung jari kaki ....

Selamat Eid Mubarak Minal Aidil Wal Fa'izin, Maaf Zahir dan Batin ....

i'm bbbaaacckkkk ..... never forgive ... never forget ...

oh dear ... its been too loonngggg ... tooo lazy and ttoooo complicated ... but everything resolved and i'm back for good ... will write until Allah permited me too .. now no more restriction anymore .... anybody or everybody whom trampled me ... you'll better watch out ...

Coz i'll never and i'll never forget ... every and each hardship i encounter, i will recite a curse on you!  it's does not matter much if you do pray harder because my Allah more powerful that your god ... either way you will loose in the end ...

i thought i've never had the strength and courage to move on ... but thanks to Allah ... i had the push i needed ... and finally i'm free ... and the best part .. the things that i thought i'd lost i got it back in no time and gain much2 more .... 

but still never will i forgive and forget for all the suffering, the tears, the heart break, the curse ... i pray to my Allah for you to pay it all back million times over .... and over again .... actually i already forgive you when finally 'i'm free' ~  but your good bye and make peace speech only was full of smug, consist of in making urself look good and keep praising urself like u are almighty ...  and never fail to criticise my weak side ... let state a fact here, whatever i do in future it does not concern you ... .  and for that ~

U make a mistake  ... a simple word such as 'good bye' or 'good luck' should enough ... but why must u said too much and went overboard! .... your good faith bite u back at ur rear ....

so my dear ... please keep doing my ur doing now because at the end it will eating you inside out, what goes around comes around .... 

each time u get angry one a matter, hammer a nail on a wall,  and keeps on continue doing that on other matters as well ... when you not angry any more on that particular matter, pull out the nail ~ although the nail were pulled out but the tiny little hole that made by the nail is still there and no matter how u try to cover it up, u can't hide a fact that there's once a tiny little hole there ....

so a simple sorry or u understand my temper rite? ... can't cure it either .... a mistake already occur and one heart already broken .... unfortunately that heart belong's to me ~

Selamat Hari Raya AidilFitri … 1432H

Sehari lagi NAFAS ini menjadi TASBIH

Sehari lagi TIDUR ini menjadi IBADAH

Sehari lagi DOA-DOA ini menjadi IJABAH

Sehari lagi PAHALA di LIPAT GANDAKAN

Tapi tak akan jadi kenyataan sebelum kita saling maaf bermaafan …

SALAM LEBARAN MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN

Another addition to Zhen family ....

Yak atas tu .. 3 ekor dara pingitan KieKie,NieKie & Lulu - yg nama Lulu tu yg bulu dia kaler lain tu ... sbb kaler dah lain itu pasal kasi nama yg lain sket .....

Yg kat bawah ni plak DieKie - jantan ni, ingat nak beli 4 betina, tapi dapat jantan plak .. pulun jek la sbb shantek ....

Yg ni ChieKie .. saje jek letak gambo dia ... dah besau kan ... makin lama makin besau, pastu berat gak, pastu dia ni suka lenting2 .. nak pegang pun dah tak larat ... takut terlepas ... karang patah riuk tulang dia ...