Officially OVER ... ~

~ Finally i can wash my hand of u...~ u finally said the 'magic' word "let us be fren".. ~ and i replied "yes, if that waht u want then i oblige"... ~ no more tear for u this time, i am prepared... totally...totally prepared...!!

~When i easily oblige, u seem shocked, why there's no tears, no crying, no whining and tantrums??!!... ~ i am sorry to dissapoint u darling... this moment is not urs.. its mine to keep and let it be this way coz deep in ur heart u know, its not my fault but urs whom been neglecting and hurt my feeling over and over again.. ~

~ So when u said the 'magic' word... ~ the feeling is mutual, i hope theres no reget for u in future coz i will never forgive and give another chance... sorry darling.. once bitten .. forever remember...~

~ As i told u before that i've changed, im not the old me anymore whose too fragile and would crash easily at petty matters... i am much-much stronger now...~ for each wound that u bleed make me stronger than ever... so u better watch ur back, i am afraid if u trip n fall, im not there to pull u back up!! ~ ...

~.. this song dedicated to u darling ... ~ hope ur day brighter than mine... Here without u by 3 doors down

A hundred days have made me older, since the last time i saw ur face

A thousand lies have made me colder, and i dont think i can look at this the same

but all the miles that separate, dissapear now when im dreaming of ur face

im here without u baby but youre still on my lonely mind

i think about u baby and i dream about u all the time

the miles just keep rollin' as the people leave their way to say hello

ive heard this life overrated but i hope that i gets better as we go

everything i know and anywhere i go it gets hard but it wont take away my love

and when the last one falls when its all said and done it gets hard but it wont take away my love.. ~

Berhenti berharap ....

Aku mahu berhenti berharap, tiada kesinambungan lagi cuma aku mahu tahu dari mulutmu sendiri mengapa ??!! kau abaikan aku dan akhirnya tinggalkan aku tanpa noktah ??...

Walau pun pedih namun kau perlu jelaskan padaku, aku sanggup mendengar dan terima dengan hati yang terbuka. Tak mengira apa pun alasan yang bakal kau beri aku akan tetap pasrah dan redha.

Di saat aku meniti di ruang-ruang luka, jantung berdegup sayu dan hati meratap pilu, puing-puing cinta berlegar-legar di sekeliling waktu bersama hembusan angin berpuput lesu membawa cinta pergi dan kembali kepada empunya diri ... "Wahai angin sampaikan pesanku pada nya ~ Aku pulangkan apa yang kau telah amanah dan janjikan, derita yang telah kau calit akan tetap bersemadi andai suatu hari hatimu tersedar dari mimpi maafkan aku...kerana telah tiada ruang untuk kembali"

Aku masih lagi berdiri di sini, menitip salam terakhir buatmu, sebelum aku berpaling dan melangkah pergi.. aku amat berharap kau jerit namaku dan mahu aku kembali menyayangi ....

Tetapi di saat aku berpaling dan pergi ... tiada jeritan ... tiada penyesalan ... yang ada hanya sepi yang mencengkam. Ketika langkahku semakin lemah dan goyah, Zaki menyambut tangan dan memaut pinggangku kemas agar langkahku tidak pincang.

Aku tumpahkan airmata terakhirku buatmu di bahu Zaki, semuga esok dan hari-hari yang bakal mendatang, tiada tangisan lagi ~

Missing me much??!!

Do u miss me ?? I do miss u, did u know that ?? i know that u know but u just feign ignorance !! ~ hate me much ?? may be u did hating me, for being an annoying person !! do i annoying u ?? i dun think so, i never checked on u at ur workplace although i know where u work !!, i did not bother u when u entertaining ur fren !! and i never complained to u even though i'm hurting inside !! ~ did i ever mentioned to u that since we in a relationship i cried every single day !! ~ i cried when u didn't return my call !! i cried when u said u meet me but did not !! i cried for each call n sms that i received r not from u !! and i cried for each day that passed and im not spend it with u ~

Im not asked too much, at least answer when i called or sms me when u r busy or 'miss call' me when u r too busy to talk, to let me know that u do think about me ~ is that so difficult to ask ?? seem rather impossible to u rite ??

Do u know that i stop crying for u this few weeks !! do u know i dun even care whether u call or sms me !! do u even notice that i never look u in the eyes anymore when u meet !! and i never smile to u anymore !! i want to smile like before, look u in the eyes like before but i just can't, not that i dun luv anymore but im afraid if i smile at u but never smile back, i will be hurt and my tears will fall again, i hate that !! and if i look u in the eye but u eyes were lying to me, im afraid i'll be hurt over and over again !! so i feign ignorance and give u a hefty laugh as if i am so happy that petty small things weren't bother me much !! as if ~ !!

I've been asking myself why do i keep hanging on to our relationship, there's nothing left to salvage, u and me are falling apart, each time i look at u that each time my heart break pieces to pieces and each time i try to patch it up but still it breaks ~ like a broken glasses .. cliche but true ~

Its raining yesterday... actually i wanted to cry when u r not showing to meet me instead i convey my teary eye to cloud and the falling rain represent my tears ~ i know that i've promised umpteen times that i wont shed a tear for u anymore but my heart rules my head ... ~

Missing me much ?? ~ i do miss u thou ... may u ur day r brighter than mine ~

Did u love me enuf??!!

Adakah kau benar-benar menyayangi aku dengan menyedari yg aku telah berubah?~ adakah kau benar-benar menyintai aku sehingga kau perasan yg setiap kita berjumpa kelopak mata aku digenangi air menunggu masa untuk tumpah?

Adakah kau terlalu merindui ku sehingga kau dapat rasakan tiap getar degup jantungku hanya menyebut nama mu? ~

Namun kau tak pernah sedar, kau tak pernah perasan dan kau tak pernah ketahui kerana cintamu padaku tidak seperti cintaku pada mu ... kau akui yg kau telah mengabaikan aku, tapi kau tak pernah mahu mengubahnya, cinta kita ini tidak cukup penting di hati mu, karier dan rakan-rakan adalah keutamaan kau.

Tahukah kau setiap masa yang kau luangkan untuk menghiburkan rakan-rakan kau, tiap ketika itulah kelopak mataku bergenang dan akhirnya melimpahkan lahar airmatanya ~ tahukah kau setiap kali deringan telephone yang aku terima aku amat-amat mengharap ianya adalah darimu ~ tahukah setiap bunyi deruman enjin motosikal aku amat-amat berharap ianya adalah milikmu ~ tapi kau tak pernah tau kan? kerana aku tak pernah khabar kan padamu betapa hati aku menangis apa bila kau tak pedulikan aku ~ acap kali kau biarkan aku menghabisi hari-hari ku sendirian tanpa panggilan atau sms darimu, tanpa mendengar suaramu, tanpa tahu bagaimana kau jalani hari mu ....

Kau tak pernah mahu ambil tahu, yang hati aku sering terguris pilu apabila kau selalu berkata 'TIDAK' pada setiap permintaan aku, kau juga tak pernah tahu yang setiap senyuman yang aku lemparkan sebenarnya aku menangis di dalam?

Tahukah kau betapa aku mengharap setiap kata-kata yg kau tuturkan kau tujukan kepadamu dan di setiap perbualanmu kau selitkan aku ~ namun kau tak pernah berbuat begitu, aku hanya berdiri di tepi umpama patung bernyawa memandang ke arahmu dengan perasaan yang berbaur-baur, aku perhatikan dari sudut tepi itu setiap bait ayat yang keluar dari bibirmu, tiap mimik wajah yang ko lemparkan pabila kau berbicara ~ betapa aku berharap di hadapanmu sekarang itu adalah aku ~ namun harapan sahajalah yang aku ada ...

Aku amat berharap kau tak biarkan aku lemah dan kasihku beralih arah ~ izinkan aku untuk terus memiliki walau sekadar hanya bayang-bayangmu ~ kau seperti udara yang ku hela kau selalu ada ~

I do cry ....

When u say 'NO', i gave u a bitter smile and i know didn't notice because the dim lite surround that area.... u said u r not feeling well so i offer u a lift in my car instead of riding ur motobike home, its raining like cats and dogs last nite... i did insist on sending u home but u said 'NO' each time i asked....

So i left u riding ur motobike in the rain and i do cry after i left you, that rain is like my tears. i felt like is not me whom abandoning u but it's otherwise .... so in the tears flowing i ask myself 'why', where do i done wrong ?? ... am i not gud enuf ??, pretty enuf ?? pleasant enuf ?? .. there's no answers ... only tears keep pouring ...

When i arrive home, get off my car, i let the rain wash my tears and they become one ~ im not feeling well last nite, sleep till the sun come ~ still not ok ... this pain of rejection will never go away !! i hate this feeling, wish i can forget, wish i did not look for you and offer a lift for u... i wish and wish and wish ... still the tears keep flowing ... why, why and why .....

i promise myself today that i wont look for you anymore, if u miss me u know where to find me ~ i wish u try to look for me and i do wish but deep in my heart u won't look for me ~ i know ~ so i let my tears to keep flowing one last time for u .... and i hope in the future i will not shed tears for u ever again ... i wish and wish and wish .... it's true ... ~

Insurance claim dan workshop yg bikin keta.....

setiap orang mesti pernah xcident kan.... aku dah lama tak xcident... kalo excident pun aku mmg tak suka nak claim insurance.. sebab leceh byk prosedur dan yang paling tak suka bengkel yg buat keta kita tu pun leceh jugak... mentang-mentang claim insurance.. bikin keta lambat.. keja yg 2 minggu boleh jadi sebulan... lepas tu buat tak sempurna... ada saje cacat celanya.... memang buat tuan punya keta hangin!!! ....

Tengok gambo sebelah tu~cover tangki econ pun tak pasang, pastu tangki econ tu pakai welding jek...patutnya tukor baru!!!!....

Gambo bawah ni plak ~ tengok mudguard utk bumper depan takde!! bila ujan abis lampu yg kat bumper tu masuk air, silap2 airbulan terbakar gamaknya.... argggghhhh!!!! pastu tengok tepi bumper tu dok terjuih...


Gambo yak ni plak ~ ada gap yg beso!! antara bumper ngan lampu, pemasangan tak sempurna!! ...












Yak ini plak ~ sensor keta aku.. dia taruk cam gitu jek.. tak lekat langsung.. bila keta gerak.. sensor ni pun ilang termasuk dalam bumper... tak ke jahanam ... tu

So korang aku nasihatkan kalo 'ter'xcident sengaja or tak... janganlah anto keta korang kat bengkel ni.. Ingat nama bengkel ~ BENGKEL MENGIMPAL KERETA KK SDN BHD beralamat di No. 16, Jalan Kemajuan 3, Taman Perindustrian Kota Tinggi, 81900 Kota Tinggi, Johor. Bengkel ni punya 'orang' BOB nama dia... kalo rekomen bengkel ni cakap memang berdegar-degar, bengkel melayu la.. tak akan tipu u orang la.. wat cepatla... tapi macam taik!!.. dia tu makan gaji jek... yg bikin keta A MAN boss dia cina... yang cina sekor ni pulak cakap pun pusing2 kejap kat dah siap, bila datang sana nak amik keta kata spare part belum sampai plak, pastu kata siap anto wiring keta siap, sekali bila dah amik.. kata tak siap lagik!!!... aku punya salur darah mcm nak meletup!!!....so korang pandai-pandai ar pikir!!.. ~

I did saw you....

You asked me just now.. how u managed to go back to JB?.. there's no express buses direct to JB in the morning, they only scheduled later in the evening.. I try looking for you but I cant find you, where r u??!! ...

My answer to you was, early in the morning, I go to KL and from KL I buy a ticket to JB... and u nodded ur head... and u told me that u go to Malacca first and then but a ticket to JB.... i just smiled... but what u dunno was... i did not go to KL ... I wait at the bus station from morning until evening and scheduled bus for JB arrive... and ...

I did saw u... i know that u were looking for me and i did hope u find me but u did not look at the very spot im standing right in front of you but u didnt saw me... i want to call u but ... i dunno i dun have the strength to do so...

i saw u leaving though... with tears running thru my eyes... i know u and me was not meant to be.... i depart to JB later that evening and arrive in the morning around 3am... go back home by taxi... i sleep thru the nite and dream of u... i just cant let u go.. not like that.. wake up in noon and wanted to meet u to explain and hope we can be together again... but ... instead

I received a phone call from ur girlfrend, at least that she identify herself when she called me... she keep blabbering about u and her... and how when u arrived at JB that nite ,u meet her first and hug her tight... I my heart broke into pieces at that moment... and I know leaving you was the right decision... I'll take back the tears that i had shed for you...

I HATE YOU!!!.....

Now we meet again... whatever happen in the past both u and me had almost forget.. u were married to her.. but u said ur marriage was unhappy.. she demand too much and her jealousy almost suffocated u... i pity u but at the same time my heart were clapping.. this is the price u had to pay for breaking my heart ... previously... but still i wish u happines.... ~

Biarkan ia pergi.....

Betapa aku lemah di sini...melihat cinta itu pergi ~ Pusara di Lebuhraya by Ekamatra....

Cinta.... mudah benar ia datang dan pegi... datang macam ribut dan pergi seperti taufan!!! ... jika dahulu apa bila putus cinta aku sering menilai keburukan diri sendiri, menyalahi diri kerana membiar cinta pergi... namun sekarang aku lebih matang menilai mana intan dan kaca... akulah intan dan cinta itu kaca... dah tak ada jodoh nak buat bagaimana???!! .. walau aku menangis air mata darah sekalipun.. cinta tetap tak akan kembali...

Walau hati tetap jua hiba... dan air mata tetap jua mengalir, minda masih mampu menangani situasi tidak seperti dulu hati lebih menerajui emosi dan diri menjadi 'mabuk'... jiwa pula kosong !!! .. aku tak mahu ulang kesilapan cinta masa lampau aku...

Benar apa yang BFF aku kata jangan give 100%... keep some for ur self... and lucky i followed her advice and now.. of course i felt the heart break but still can stay focus to move on... there's always someone outhere for me... maybe not him.. definitely not him!!!! ...

But better still if i have someone beside me who will borrow me his shoulder to cry on.... because this tears of mine will come falling any minute now... I tried to keep it inside since last nite... i dun think i can hold on any longer.... although i tried all i might to stay compose... but still this heart of mine hurt really bad and made my old love scar open up and bleed....

Persahabatan....

Teman... Kawan.... Sahabat....

Sukarkah mahu membezakan.... tiga 'species' ini?... As for me...

Teman adalah rakan-rakan yang kita kenal sepintas lalu... rakan sekerja, rakan kuliah..rakan menunggu bas... tidak kenal pun hati budi mereka... untuk berborak kosong sekadar melepas waktu ... bolehlah.. tapi untuk berkongsi suka duka... derita... Teman bukanlah rakan yg sesuai... silap-silap mereka ini akan menikam mu dari belakang....!!

Kawan... rakan yang lebih rapat dari teman.... mereka ini mungkin kita rasa kita telah kenali hati budi dia tapi sebenarnya apa kita lihat hanyalah kulit... isinya ternyata amat berbeza... untuk kau berkongsi kisah suka dengan mereka... yup di alu-alukan... tapi tatkala kau mahu berkongsi derita... pelbagai alasan yang mereka akan berikan... silap-silap mereka inilah yang bakal menikam kau dari belakang!!... dan yang paling kejam... tanpa kau sedari...

Sahabat.. inilah rakan sejati... walau dia sendiri pun susah... tapi dia tetap juga menghulur tangan membantu kau... dalam apa jua keadaan sekalipun... sedaya upaya dan setulus ikhlas... aku rasa jika hatinya boleh di keluarkan dari tubuh... itu juga akan diberi kepadamu jika kau memerlukan... sahabat ku ini memang sukar di cari ganti... sahabat ku ini .. akan menjadi sahabat sampai mati... dan aku doakan sahabatku menanti aku di syurga...

kerana jalanku dan jalanmu amat beza... aku perlu disucikan di neraka agar luruh segala dosa dan seterusnya menyusulmu ke syurga..... ~

Cinta

Aku ingin menjadi mimpi indah dalam tidurmu... aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yang mungkin bisa kau rindu..
Karena langkah merapuh.. tanpa dirimu..Ohhh.. Karena hati telah letih.... ~ Dealova - Dewa

If this is the love that i've been longing for, then i dun want it anymore coz it's cause me more pain n sorrow than joy n happines...
But when im alone i felt so lonely and no 'life'.. emptiness almost eating inside out, living a life like a zombie.. same shift just different day...
When love come and i simply accept! .. I felt more alive but at same time hurting inside, coz this love bring me more misery that my tears falling non-stop!..
But still I love this feeling, its make me human!.. i thought i've lost my love sense since my broke up marriage... now I get it back again!!... so my dearest u can't hurt me no more... coz this 'hurt' feeling, just what im waiting for all this while...
Thanks for breaking my heart!...the road infront if me will be 'berliku' but im ready!!... hello 'CINTA'... you just wait ' I'M BACK '... ~